On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
