After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
