I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
