yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
