In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
