My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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