He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i believe in u and ur pee
My feet surprised me
Randomize
