We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
