We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
