It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
