At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
