It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
