We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
