she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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