I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
