Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
