And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
