Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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