you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
