oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
