Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
