I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
