the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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