i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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