My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
