They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
