My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
