matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
