Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
