dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
