Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I FOUND THE LEGS
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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