I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize