So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
