Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
A+ Viking dick
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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