Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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