Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
