he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
