dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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