Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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