Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
