Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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