Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
