it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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