"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
