I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
