so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I touched a dick in church today
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize