He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I party with great urgency now.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
