at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
