I hate your face
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize