I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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