I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
