Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
