we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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