I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
