There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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