I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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