im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
