She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
