I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
