exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
