u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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