I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
