so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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