she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
