Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
