Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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