The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
