her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
