Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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