My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
