Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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