i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Houston, we have a blender
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
