So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize