marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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