k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
