I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You pole danced in your parka.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
