Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
