I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
