what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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