you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
