I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
