I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
