you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
