So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize