Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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