It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
