every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
