I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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