So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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