OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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