I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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