she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
