Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
