All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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