I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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